Ep.81 Danilo Cuellar on Peaceful Parenting(Anarcho-Yakitalism Podcast)

Danilo Cuellar if Peaceful Anarchism and the Seeds of Liberty podcasts joins me to talk about unschooling, but first we talk about peaceful parenting. This is part 1 of our discussion that I’m splitting into two parts.

 

Peaceful Anarchism http://peacefulanarchism.com/

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Peaceful Anarchism Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/peacefulanarchism/

Peaceful Anarchism YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPmTjNmwXEWS7iBEITMgKvg

Seeds of Liberty: http://www.theseedsofliberty.com/

Seeds of Liberty Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SoLPodcast/

Seeds of Liberty YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheSeedsofLibertyPodcast

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7 Comments

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7 Responses to Ep.81 Danilo Cuellar on Peaceful Parenting(Anarcho-Yakitalism Podcast)

  1. Nathan

    Great show! One thing that might be interesting to delve into more in future is what the guest said about how even if you don’t spank, it can still be violating consent in a way. In that if you’re not respecting what your child wants you can still be stifling them in some ways by pressuring them strongly to do things. E.g. if you want them to brush teeth, instead of showing a picture of a cavity and explaining it you just use verbal abuse and say “Well you MUST brush your teeth! Or else!”

    Look forward to future shows on this topic!

  2. Geoffrey Hazelton

    Daniolo, Thanks for the prompt reply. I must admit this discussion with Nick is my first brush with Peaceful Parenting and I will do some listening to your podcasts. But at this point I remain unconvinced.

    The ages of your children of three and five are just whom my argument is aimed. I know you have run into the problem of the ” I want that toy in the store” and the grabbing of a toy from a younger child or the hitting of a sibling. How have you handled these situations?

    • Hello Geoffrey,

      I appreciate your genuine interest. I don’t necessarily want other people to parent the way I parent. All I provide are principles and guidelines that have a firm foundation in morality. They may choose to follow them or not. All I ask is that people consider the morality of all of their actions and if something is inconsistent with their moral code, that they make the necessary changes. That would make me a throughly happy man.

      I do not tell people how to behave or act. I leave that to the central planners and control freaks that call themselves “government”. 🙂

      Yes I have most definitely run into those situations. Here are some ways I might handle them.

      1) I want that toy in the store

      A calm “No” along with an associating explanation is sufficient for me. That explanation often includes the nature of currency, where it comes from, and how it is procured. The finite nature of currency is necessary to get children to understand why things cannot be purchased at a whim. Sure there may be some crying which I may attempt to console but for the most part my wife and I do not buy to appease a crying child. That does not send the correct message in the slightest.

      2) Grabbing of a toy from a younger child

      First I try to establish who had the toy first and how long they had it for. I always try to allow my kids to peacefully resolve disputes amongst themselves without me stepping in to deliver a 3rd party ruling. The child grabbing the toy must ask the other child nicely for the toy. If the child with the toy says no than that must be respected or perhaps something can be traded for the toy. I always try to have them talk to each other when they disagree on something. I want them to develop their ability to negotiate and compromise.

      3) The hitting of a sibling or another child

      First I ask what happened and who hit who and why. Then I explain that violence is not a way to solve problems. We must always use our calm words. Sometimes before this I must wait until much of the crying and hysteria has died down before I delve into such explanation. The most important thing a parent can do in such a tense emotional situation is to remain calm and of course never hypocritically resort to physical violence AKA spanking. We must always embody the example of the calm and peaceful adult. More than our words, children will emulate our actions.

  3. Geoffrey Hazelton

    I enjoyed the discussion but have some objections. It seems to me there have to be consequences to all behavior good and bad. Peaceful parenting seems to reward and promote good behavior by treating the child as an equal: respecting, listening, reasoning, helping, and openly expressing love and affection. While time consuming, this is great and the fun part of parenting. What I feel you might be missing is what the consequences should be for bad behavior. Ignoring this or just applying reasoning I think will soon create a monster. There are far more creative ways to provide negative consequences than spanking or other physical violence but these too are time consuming. It is far easier to just spank. Lets use the example of acting out in a store because you won’t buy the toy they want. First you NEVER give in once you say no. Next you could leave the store as soon as the tantrum is over and then in the car you explain how embarrassed it made you and if it made you angry say so. If the child enjoys shopping with you do not go back into the store that day.

    Other consequences ( punishments) for bad behavior can be to restrict the use of a favorite toy, phone or TV program. Tailor the consequence to the crime but never with violence. And tailor it to the individual, for example some children don’t mind “time out” they like time alone but they hate to be without their phone. Another child might be just the opposite.

    Whatever punishment you threaten ALWAYS ALWAYS follow through with it.

    • Hello Geoffrey. Thank you for commenting.

      There are always natural consequences to actions. These include pain, self-defense by others, getting beat up by others, and social ostracism. These are consequences that result without the intervention of a 3rd party authority figure. The lessons learned are self-evident. No additional punishment is necessary and would simply result in further psychological damage and pain. This is overkill and excessive.

      If I beat up other kids and bully them I will not end up with many friends and I will likely end up getting beat up myself. No matter how strong one is there is always another who is stronger. Interacting with others through fear and violence is the way of savage beasts, not the way of peaceful and sentient human beings. If I interact with others on a basis of mutual respect and consent I will likely attract more like-minded peaceful friends and my esteem in their eyes will grow. This is vital to cultivating a peaceful future.

      This method of interacting with others is exactly the same as the Peaceful Parenting approach. The main difference is that we choose our friends in the same way we choose to be parents, however our children did not choose to be our children. Therefore, in a manner of speaking, they are hostages in that they are stuck living with us until they gain the skills necessary to venture out into the world to live on their own. They did not choose us as parents therefore my goal is to parent in such a way that, given the choice between every other parent, they would willingly choose us.

      We, as parents, are already older, bigger, and stronger than our children. We, therefore, have a natural superiority to them given the circumstances. To go from there and practice aggressive authoritarian parenting and corporal punishment with our children in an effort to assert that dominance is both cowardly and wretched. I do not want my children to respect me because I can beat them, hurt them, or punish them. That would be the appeal to force logical fallacy AKA argumentum ad baculum AKA might makes right. That would be the way of the State. I want my children to respect me because I have valuable information to share with them and it would be to their benefit if they would heed my advice. Good ideas do not require force. If your ideas depend on coercion and intimidation then your ideas are worthless. If you must force your ideas onto your child you have no power. If you interact with your child based on consent, respect, gentleness, and kindness then you have no need for power at all.

      If you teach your child to obey your authority, when you are not around they will look for other people to obey. Rather teach your child to be self-reliant and independent. Encourage critical thinking and autonomous decision-making. Inspire the development of a firm sense of morality and they will no longer doubt what is right and what is wrong. A good conscience is the only law anyone should ever follow.

      “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” – Frederick Douglass

  4. Lawrence Rickson

    Hey nick,
    FYI, your podcasts on Itunes stop at #76. You should check to see if there is something wrong. I thought you had taken a break, but checked your website for any info on you stopping, so I downloaded from here! Thanks for your great podcasts. -Larry

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